I thought
I'd write you a mail
Send you a message
Say something
Do something
Struggled
Whole day.
I can't.
I remember you
Every single day
I shouldn't.
This battle inside
All my life
My life
Never mine...
The cloak of conscience
You know how lost I feel on days, how meaningless it all seems. All this journey leads me nowhere, I feel. This success, this status, is all for the world, not me. Because I only desire you, my only true desire.
Desperate I'm on days, empty I feel inside but even if I don't ever get to you, I can't stop being me. The me that made me worthy of you.
My desperation tends to lead me astray but I stay, deep rooted. Remembering everything this life means, and everything you mean to me.
The restlessness inside me
I'm restless today very restless. This deliberate distance that I did put between your world and mine should have fixed things, but no, it's not helping.
Not a day goes by without thinking about you. And all of this is just inside me, I don't talk about you anymore. I pretend that I don't care, only if I cannot. But if that happens what will I become? I'm alone and I'm praying..
Oh but why this, why am I blabbering, I told you I'm alone. I'm alone since the day I stopped fighting for you, I'm alone since the day I left you. I hope you find love.
Caught In A Loop
I've
sacrificed
and lost
All for you
And you ask for more,
more and more
Yet you don't see
All that I did
For finding your happiness
But I lost
And I can't quit
Caught in this loop
Fall and rise
Hurt and heal
All by myself, all alone...
A Blank Page
I read
Your diary
That
Spoke of you
Through words
Filled with glee
Filled with pain
And then
There were these pages
Blank pages
That troubled me the most
If I could tell you
If I could tell you, I'd tell you
To leave the past behind
For nobody understands.
If I could tell you, I'd tell you
To bury the truth under the ground
As it finds no acceptance.
If I could tell you, I'd tell you
That life is no fairy tale
And love is....
If I could...
The Hope from Tomorrow
As the sun was setting slowly upon us, I could not help but feel for the things, all the things that were going wrong around the world. I could not do enough. The darkness is looming now but there will be a sunrise. A new day, a better world tomorrow. And those who are not consumed by the darkness tonight will get to see the good time that tomorrow promises. That's hope.
The Music Inception
I live my life in music.
Music is like a dream.
Like that love and that life, which is now a dream
In this dream, called life
I'd Like To Believe
That day when he left, he left the only person who ever knew him behind. He decided that the pains of the voyage are his and his alone. But just as he began, his ship wrecked and he drifted on an island. A very beautiful island. He settled in for a life till he can build his ship again and waited for years before he could continue his sail. And one day he started his voyage again to reach the destination, it took him long and a lot was lost but his spirit. He reached his destination only to meet her again, she was there way before him but now he was but a stranger to her. Someone whom she knew ones but no more.
I'd like to believe his sacrifices were worthy.
I'd like to believe that he won his battles.
I'd like to believe that he was at peace.
I'd like to believe that somewhere in her heart he was alive.
I'd like to believe that he existed not just in stories but in reality...
The Fragrance Of Love
Love is the most beautiful thing in this world.
And I find it everywhere in a fragrance that never fades,
the fragrance of you in me...
A Living Enigma
It was a silly jape thrown his way that made him real upset, and I apologized again.
Why should I, I thought, that's the real me, aye.
I settled in the room with my head in my hands, a choking throat and misty eyes, as a stark realization hit me. Why...
I didn't love him, I never did, it's not his fault it's just me and so I've to do everything I could to make up, to be his angel.
Putting back that smile shrouding my guilt, I wiped those tears aside.
The Pain In Pictures
 |
| @Reuters |
I know nothing about their pain but still I feel it in my world.
Why do I've to?
Not to thank God, that it's not me out there
NO
But to PRAY to, give me the courage to help those out there....
from the unreal me
It was not in my words but in the way you read that made everything so poetic.
It was not in me but the way you held that made the love so real.
The Unvoiced Prayer
I'd look at the mirror and ask myself
Who am I...
Am I a craven or am I brave
Am I selfish or am I selfless
Am I sinful or am I good
Am I realist or am I a dreamer
Am I even me or just your notion of me
Oh I know who I am
I'm everything that you want me to be
But please it's too long now
Please let me be
.
.
ME
The place where the pain dwells
Those tears are not in my eyes, no more
They swell in the sealed walls of my heart
Till I'd find the moment to shed them all
Not in pain but in bliss
In bliss for the love that I behold...
The life beyond life
one day I'd dissolve and disappear
in your smiles or tears may be
that's when I'll feel life is complete
The Silent Screamer
That was me telling stories
Stories, good and bad
But then I was distanced by time
One by one
From all
Who ever relished my tales
And then it started
From a whisper
To a voice
To a scream
All inside...
The Profound Distractions
When love cannot fill your heart and
When dreams cannot spread their wings
Peace comes through travelling.
A beautiful distraction
To mend the torn
And heal the broken
I'm traveling.
In the afterglow of sunset
You saw me in an ephemeral moment in the afterglow of the sunset sailing home and said, 'what a beautiful life!'
But I've been here forever, from when the sun was hot and not so kind, from when the water was turbulent and not so calm.
The play of time.
All you got to appreciate was my outer beauty but not my inner turmoil.
The Fallen Angel
I was destined to fall like this angel but nothing deters us from finding our way back to our happiness. Our heaven lies in our own selves.
A Lonely Expression
The graffiti on the walls
The letters in the hearth
The carving on the trees
The book of unwritten words
The unfading memory of the past
You never found me in my silence...
The Summer Skies
This Sunday evening, I sat gazing the skies for hours nonchalantly.
The summer skies silently changed colors like life.
'It's all so magnificently colorful at times but the dark winters too have it's time,' I pronounced.
'Oh! But you loved the winters', she said.
'Ah! My heart once warmed in winters', said I.
The Lost Story
There lies in the past
A lost story
The story of a dreamer
The withered dreams.
There lies in the present
A vague story
The story of a wanderer
The lonely path.
There lies in the future
An unknown story
The story of the fallen
The undefined destiny.
Life....................Death
The Union Of Fire and Rain
Don't you find it strange that we live together but in two different worlds
There we walk, we walk the same path, yet I'm drenched and you're burned.
For I'm fire and you're the rain - both pure and holy in their own realm
And yet when the fire meets the rain, neither of it remains
It's just smoke, a smoke choking everything, all the way...
The Curse On The Brokenhearted
There is a curse on those who break a loving heart
A curse to remain brokenhearted forever...
The Misplaced Souls
I don't feel I belong to this world or this time
I belong to that old times of love, friendship and humanity
May be I've a world inside me, a different world
An undying world, where I fear sometimes, that I'm all alone...
The Story Till Now...
It's time to thank you. Each and every one of you who is reading these few words, for helping me to pick up the fallen me from time to time. Being a human of flesh and blood, sometimes I break too far and break too bad, and then I go in this hiatus. It is then when you come, you someone from somewhere - from one heart to another (as someone once beautifully quoted and I've clung to those words since), helping me...
I'm grateful to you, just that.
- Beyond
Let The Light Be
Being blind is fate but being blindfolded to reality is a great tragedy.
The blind ones will eventually find the light of life
But the blindfolded will be consumed by their self-manifested darkness.
The Prayers
Things are falling apart, all the times, everywhere
We're not content in ourselves, we seek
We're not understood, we are meant to be
We're not supposed to be hurt, we are
The world is not supposed to be like this, that's the way it is.
I'll let this anomaly creep in every nerve, every vein
And I'd pray for more, and pray for more asking You to fix the broken.
I'll sustain for I'd fallen in love with this incessant pain.
Soulmates
May be one day you'd realize that a man who had your body,
Will not fight to have your soul.
Let that thirst be, the thirst to first reach your naked soul.
Follow me in my imagination
In the silence of a withering heart,
In the prison of the golden bars,
I'd close my eyes and imagine happiness.
I'd close my eyes and imagine a smile.
Follow me in my imagination.
For, in reality, some battles never end in life.
The I'mperfect Sustenance
This is the most clear note that I've ever written here
But this is also the most cryptic one you'd ever read from me.
We're not in this for us but for the others,
You and I, we've our lives but we live for others
And let's not make the others realize this
This is our secret gift to them.
The Lost Conversation ~ 2
I talk. I talk to the sea or the mountains or a pillar or a tree but not you
Because I've this fear of being right or wrong, fear of being judged, being labeled.
I'd say and I'd regret, or may be I fear of being misunderstood.
No, may be not being understood at all.
May be I told you everything and you loved me for being me,
But then you never wanted me to be me.
I need to stay silent but I crave to speak.
No I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to myself.
This is getting oblique, I've to stop. Forget it, it's nothing.
The Lost Conversation
She: "What are you thinking?"
He: "Nothing."
She: "Nothing???"
He: ........ (Nothing. I wish I could say, "stressing, searching for meaning, seeking peace, battling my inner demons, praying for a better world, wishing I live my dreams, hoping that my heart heals. But 'Nothing' is all I could say")
The House Of Memories
I've endured a suffering for so long just by holding those memories tight close to me.
And I still don't want to let go of those memories,
I'll let them warm me from inside and tear me apart at the same time.
A Beautiful Peace
I rocked a baby to sleep in the cradle of my arms
And in those moments...
I found the worth of this life
and
A beautiful peace.
Not My Own World
The wrecks of my heart are mine and mine alone.
Don't try to mend them, it's through those ruins
That this life has sustained...
The Buried Pain
I saw him smoking a puff in.
He was standing alone at a corner in the party.
And then a cloud of smoke flew out of his mouth.
Circles dissipated in air.
I walked up to him and said, 'I didn't know you smoked.'
He was somewhat taken aback by the breach in his solitary.
He extinguished the fag under his foot.
'Killing time,' he said.
'Or killing self,' I asked.
He strode without answering, hands in pocket and a dropped head.
I've witnessed him brooding in loneliness.
But with people around, he is all smiles.
When love is less, pain is more.
The Dark Side of Me
There is a darkness that surrounds me.
A deceptive darkness. My dark side.
This darkness consumes all like the black hole.
How could I've let you in, the Light
When I could not get out of my own dark side.
The Cusp Of Love
I held that cup tight and cautiously, as if it's not the cup
But our relation that I was holding on to.
You were engrossed in sorting the clothes.
'Hey, coffee for you.'
You smiled, I smiled.
'It's good,' you said.
'I think I know your tastes better now.' I pronounced with some self adulation.
You look at me with amazement and obliviousness at the same time.
I knew in that very moment that our love is still incomplete.
I still cannot say you're the one because in you I see a split
The you that I know and the you that I don't know.
The Silent Transformation
He looks at me with a smile and I smile back.
He kisses my head and says you've the most beautiful smile.
I smile a little wider and then curb it guiltily.
I've heard this before, I've believed this before.
He wants me to be happy and I'm happy with him.
But you know that...
There is no eye that sees me the way you did
Neither a heart that feels my heart like you did.
May be I'm no more the me in love.
I've transformed with time but that feeling hasn't.
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It's that day
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