SOLILOQUIES ~ Beyond Few Words

There are times when you grow in life and the other times when life grows upon you

You know how lost I feel on days, how meaningless it all seems. All this journey leads me nowhere, I feel. This success, this status, is all for the world, not me. Because I only desire you, my only true desire. Desperate I'm on days, empty I feel inside but even if I don't ever get to you, I can't stop being me. The me that made me worthy of you. My desperation tends to lead me astray but I stay, deep rooted. Remembering everything this life means, and everything you mean to me.

I'm restless today very restless. This deliberate distance that I did put between your world and mine should have fixed things, but no, it's not helping. Not a day goes by without thinking about you. And all of this is just inside me, I don't talk about you anymore. I pretend that I don't care, only if I cannot. But if that happens what will I become? I'm alone and I'm praying.. Oh but why this, why am I blabbering, I told you I'm alone. I'm alone since the day I stopped fighting for you, I'm alone since the day I left you. I hope you find love.

I've sacrificed and lost All for you And you ask for more, more and more Yet you don't see All that I did For finding your happiness But I lost    And I can't quit Caught in this loop Fall and rise Hurt and heal All by myself, all alone...

I read Your diary That Spoke of you Through words Filled with glee Filled with pain And then There were these pages Blank pages That troubled me the most

If I could tell you, I'd tell you To leave the past behind For nobody understands. If I could tell you, I'd tell you To bury the truth under the ground As it finds no acceptance. If I could tell you, I'd tell you That life is no fairy tale And love is.... If I could...