A Living Enigma

It was a silly jape thrown his way that made him real upset, and I apologized again.
Why should I, I thought, that's the real me, aye.
I settled in the room with my head in my hands, a choking throat and misty eyes, as a stark realization hit me. Why...
I didn't love him, I never did, it's not his fault it's just me and so I've to do everything I could to make up, to be his angel.
Putting back that smile shrouding my guilt, I wiped those tears aside.

The Pain In Pictures

@Reuters

I know nothing about their pain but still I feel it in my world. 

Why do I've to? 

Not to thank God, that it's not me out there

NO

But to PRAY to, give me the courage to help those out there....

from the unreal me

It was not in my words but in the way you read that made everything so poetic.
It was not in me but the way you held that made the love so real.

The Unvoiced Prayer

I'd look at the mirror and ask myself
Who am I...
Am I a craven or am I brave
Am I selfish or am I selfless
Am I sinful or am I good
Am I realist or am I a dreamer
Am I even me or just your notion of me
Oh I know who I am
I'm everything that you want me to be
But please it's too long now
Please let me be
.
.
ME

Lite A Light

The place where the pain dwells

Those tears are not in my eyes, no more
They swell in the sealed walls of my heart
Till I'd find the moment to shed them all
Not in pain but in bliss
In bliss for the love that I behold...

The life beyond life

one day I'd dissolve and disappear

in your smiles or tears may be

that's when I'll feel life is complete

The Silent Screamer

That was me telling stories
Stories, good and bad
But then I was distanced by time
One by one
From all
Who ever relished my tales

And then it started
From a whisper
To a voice
To a scream
All inside...

The Profound Distractions

When love cannot fill your heart and
When dreams cannot spread their wings
Peace comes through travelling.

A beautiful distraction
To mend the torn
And heal the broken

I'm traveling.

In the afterglow of sunset

You saw me in an ephemeral moment in the afterglow of the sunset sailing home and said, 'what a beautiful life!'
But I've been here forever, from when the sun was hot and not so kind, from when the water was turbulent and not so calm.
The play of time.
All you got to appreciate was my outer beauty but not my inner turmoil.

The Fallen Angel

I was destined to fall like this angel but nothing deters us from finding our way back to our happiness. Our heaven lies in our own selves.

A Lonely Expression

The graffiti on the walls
The letters in the hearth
The carving on the trees
The book of unwritten words
The unfading memory of the past

You never found me in my silence...

The Summer Skies

This Sunday evening, I sat gazing the skies for hours nonchalantly. 

The summer skies silently changed colors like life. 

'It's all so magnificently colorful at times but the dark winters too have it's time,' I pronounced.

'Oh! But you loved the winters', she said.

'Ah! My heart once warmed in winters', said I.

The Lost Story

There lies in the past

A lost story

The story of a dreamer

The withered dreams.

There lies in the present

A vague story

The story of a wanderer

The lonely path.

There lies in the future

An unknown story

The story of the fallen

The undefined destiny.

Life....................Death

The Union Of Fire and Rain

Don't you find it strange that we live together but in two different worlds
There we walk, we walk the same path, yet I'm drenched and you're burned.
For I'm fire and you're the rain - both pure and holy in their own realm
And yet when the fire meets the rain, neither of it remains
It's just smoke, a smoke choking everything, all the way...

The Curse On The Brokenhearted

There is a curse on those who break a loving heart

A curse to remain brokenhearted forever...

The Misplaced Souls

I don't feel I belong to this world or this time
I belong to that old times of love, friendship and humanity
May be I've a world inside me, a different world
An undying world, where I fear sometimes, that I'm all alone...

The Story Till Now...

It's time to thank you. Each and every one of you who is reading these few words, for helping me to pick up the fallen me from time to time. Being a human of flesh and blood, sometimes I break too far and break too bad, and then I go in this hiatus. It is then when you come, you someone from somewhere - from one heart to another (as someone once beautifully quoted and I've clung to those words since), helping me...

I'm grateful to you, just that.

- Beyond

Sorry

In fire and rain, in blood and pain, I'll find the path of my redemption.

Let The Light Be

Being blind is fate but being blindfolded to reality is a great tragedy.

The blind ones will eventually find the light of life

But the blindfolded will be consumed by their self-manifested darkness.

The Prayers

Things are falling apart, all the times, everywhere
We're not content in ourselves, we seek
We're not understood, we are meant to be
We're not supposed to be hurt, we are
The world is not supposed to be like this, that's the way it is.
I'll let this anomaly creep in every nerve, every vein
And I'd pray for more, and pray for more asking You to fix the broken.
I'll sustain for I'd fallen in love with this incessant pain.

Soulmates

May be one day you'd realize that a man who had your body,
Will not fight to have your soul.
Let that thirst be, the thirst to first reach your naked soul.

Follow me in my imagination

 

In the silence of a withering heart,

In the prison of the golden bars,

I'd close my eyes and imagine happiness.

I'd close my eyes and imagine a smile.

Follow me in my imagination.

For, in reality, some battles never end in life.

The I'mperfect Sustenance

There is no poetry in it, no prose either
This is the most clear note that I've ever written here
But this is also the most cryptic one you'd ever read from me.
We're not in this for us but for the others,
You and I, we've our lives but we live for others
And let's not make the others realize this
This is our secret gift to them.

The Lost Conversation ~ 2

I talk. I talk to the sea or the mountains or a pillar or a tree but not you 
Because I've this fear of being right or wrong, fear of being judged, being labeled. 
I'd say and I'd regret, or may be I fear of being misunderstood. 
No, may be not being understood at all. 
May be I told you everything and you loved me for being me, 
But then you never wanted me to be me. 
I need to stay silent but I crave to speak. 
No I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to myself. 
This is getting oblique, I've to stop. Forget it, it's nothing.

The Lost Conversation

She: "What are you thinking?"
He: "Nothing."
She: "Nothing???"
He: ........ (Nothing. I wish I could say, "stressing, searching for meaning, seeking peace, battling my inner demons, praying for a better world, wishing I live my dreams, hoping that my heart heals. But 'Nothing' is all I could say")

What Matters

I want you to remember me
And I don't care even if
This world and my own forget.

The House Of Memories

I've endured a suffering for so long just by holding those memories tight close to me.
And I still don't want to let go of those memories,
I'll let them warm me from inside and tear me apart at the same time.

The Mystery Of Life

Life...
was too short to live with you
and
is too long to live without you.

A Beautiful Peace

I rocked a baby to sleep in the cradle of my arms
And in those moments...
I found the worth of this life
and
A beautiful peace.

Not My Own World

The wrecks of my heart are mine and mine alone.

Don't try to mend them, it's through those ruins

That this life has sustained...

The Broken Hearted

Love brought me closer to life, then life took me away from love.

The Buried Pain

I saw him smoking a puff in.
He was standing alone at a corner in the party.
And then a cloud of smoke flew out of his mouth.
Circles dissipated in air.
I walked up to him and said, 'I didn't know you smoked.'
He was somewhat taken aback by the breach in his solitary.
He extinguished the fag under his foot.
'Killing time,' he said.
'Or killing self,' I asked.
He strode without answering, hands in pocket and a dropped head.
I've witnessed him brooding in loneliness.
But with people around, he is all smiles.

When love is less, pain is more.

The Dark Side of Me

There is a darkness that surrounds me.

A deceptive darkness. My dark side.

This darkness consumes all like the black hole.

How could I've let you in, the Light

When I could not get out of my own dark side.

The Cusp Of Love

I held that cup tight and cautiously, as if it's not the cup
But our relation that I was holding on to.
You were engrossed in sorting the clothes.
'Hey, coffee for you.'
You smiled, I smiled.
'It's good,' you said.
'I think I know your tastes better now.' I pronounced with some self adulation.

You look at me with amazement and obliviousness at the same time.
I knew in that very moment that our love is still incomplete.
I still cannot say you're the one because in you I see a split 
The you that I know and the you that I don't know.

The Silent Transformation

He looks at me with a smile and I smile back.

He kisses my head and says you've the most beautiful smile.

I smile a little wider and then curb it guiltily.

I've heard this before, I've believed this before.

He wants me to be happy and I'm happy with him.

But you know that...

There is no eye that sees me the way you did

Neither a heart that feels my heart like you did.

May be I'm no more the me in love.

I've transformed with time but that feeling hasn't.

The 1484 days since...

My heart raced a million miles in those few seconds
It's been years since that unceremonious goodbye
And there you were looking as beautiful as ever.
The dinner. The goodbye.
I stayed there for a moment, I let the grief shroud my soul,
I let the cloud burst occur in my eyes.
Shattered I returned to that place which took you away from me
Only to realize that I've been robbed of my memories
The one I needed to console my heart
Just sneaked into my diaries and
Tore all my musings, my conversations with you.
I was not entitled to love and now
I'm not entitled to express my pain either.
I rest in dark sadness tonight and
Hope that the dreamer meets his dream.

The Antidote To Happiness

She was silently staring at the horizon, in a trance, wistfully thinking.
I placed the coffee in front of her and asked, 'what are you thinking?'
She stared at me and I noticed her vacant eyes.
'Nothing', she said.

'Sometimes it's not the life that we live
But the life that we can't which
Is the reason of our heart's despair.'