SOLILOQUIES ~ Beyond Few Words

It was a silly jape thrown his way that made him real upset, and I apologized again. Why should I, I thought, that's the real me, aye. I settled in the room with my head in my hands, a choking throat and misty eyes, as a stark realization hit me. Why... I didn't love him, I never did, it's not his fault it's just me and so I've to do everything I could to make up, to be his angel. Putting back that smile shrouding my guilt, I wiped those tears aside.

@Reuters I know nothing about their pain but still I feel it in my world.  Why do I've to?  Not to thank God, that it's not me out there NO But to PRAY to, give me the courage to help those out there....

It was not in my words but in the way you read that made everything so poetic. It was not in me but the way you held that made the love so real.

I'd look at the mirror and ask myself Who am I... Am I a craven or am I brave Am I selfish or am I selfless Am I sinful or am I good Am I realist or am I a dreamer Am I even me or just your notion of me Oh I know who I am I'm everything that you want me to be But please it's too long now Please let me be . . ME

Those tears are not in my eyes, no more They swell in the sealed walls of my heart Till I'd find the moment to shed them all Not in pain but in bliss In bliss for the love that I behold...

one day I'd dissolve and disappear in your smiles or tears may be that's when I'll feel life is complete

That was me telling stories Stories, good and bad But then I was distanced by time One by one From all Who ever relished my tales And then it started From a whisper To a voice To a scream All inside...

When love cannot fill your heart and When dreams cannot spread their wings Peace comes through travelling. A beautiful distraction To mend the torn And heal the broken I'm traveling.

You saw me in an ephemeral moment in the afterglow of the sunset sailing home and said, 'what a beautiful life!' But I've been here forever, from when the sun was hot and not so kind, from when the water was turbulent and not so calm. The play of time. All you got to appreciate was my outer beauty but not my inner turmoil.

I was destined to fall like this angel but nothing deters us from finding our way back to our happiness. Our heaven lies in our own selves.

The graffiti on the walls The letters in the hearth The carving on the trees The book of unwritten words The unfading memory of the past You never found me in my silence...

This Sunday evening, I sat gazing the skies for hours nonchalantly.  The summer skies silently changed colors like life.  'It's all so magnificently colorful at times but the dark winters too have it's time,' I pronounced. 'Oh! But you loved the winters', she said. 'Ah! My heart once warmed in winters', said I.

There lies in the past A lost story The story of a dreamer The withered dreams. There lies in the present A vague story The story of a wanderer The lonely path. There lies in the future An unknown story The story of the fallen The undefined destiny. Life....................Death

Don't you find it strange that we live together but in two different worlds There we walk, we walk the same path, yet I'm drenched and you're burned. For I'm fire and you're the rain - both pure and holy in their own realm And yet when the fire meets the rain, neither of it remains It's just smoke, a smoke choking everything, all the way...

There is a curse on those who break a loving heart A curse to remain brokenhearted forever...

I don't feel I belong to this world or this time I belong to that old times of love, friendship and humanity May be I've a world inside me, a different world An undying world, where I fear sometimes, that I'm all alone...

It's time to thank you . Each and every one of you who is reading these few words, for helping me to pick up the fallen me from time to time. Being a human of flesh and blood, sometimes I break too far and break too bad, and then I go in this hiatus. It is then when you come, you someone from somewhere -  from one heart to another (as someone once beautifully quoted and I've clung to those words since), helping me... I'm grateful to you, just that. - Beyond

In fire and rain, in blood and pain, I'll find the path of my redemption.

Being blind is fate but being blindfolded to reality is a great tragedy. The blind ones will eventually find the light of life But the blindfolded will be consumed by their self-manifested darkness.

Things are falling apart, all the times, everywhere We're not content in ourselves, we seek We're not understood, we are meant to be We're not supposed to be hurt, we are The world is not supposed to be like this, that's the way it is. I'll let this anomaly creep in every nerve, every vein And I'd pray for more, and pray for more asking You to fix the broken. I'll sustain for I'd fallen in love with this incessant pain.

May be one day you'd realize that a man who had your body, Will not fight to have your soul. Let that thirst be, the thirst to first reach your naked soul.

  In the silence of a withering heart, In the prison of the golden bars, I'd close my eyes and imagine happiness. I'd close my eyes and imagine a smile. Follow me in my imagination. For, in reality, some battles never end in life.

There is no poetry in it, no prose either This is the most clear note that I've ever written here But this is also the most cryptic one you'd ever read from me. We're not in this for us but for the others, You and I, we've our lives but we live for others And let's not make the others realize this This is our secret gift to them.

I talk. I talk to the sea or the mountains or a pillar or a tree but not you  Because I've this fear of being right or wrong, fear of being judged, being labeled.  I'd say and I'd regret, or may be I fear of being misunderstood.  No, may be not being understood at all.  May be I told you everything and you loved me for being me,  But then you never wanted me to be me.  I need to stay silent but I crave to speak.  No I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to myself.  This is getting oblique, I've to stop. Forget it, it's nothing.

She: "What are you thinking?" He: "Nothing." She: "Nothing???" He: ........ (Nothing. I wish I could say, "stressing, searching for meaning, seeking peace, battling my inner demons, praying for a better world, wishing I live my dreams, hoping that my heart heals. But 'Nothing' is all I could say")

I want you to remember me And I don't care even if This world and my own forget.

I've endured a suffering for so long just by holding those memories tight close to me. And I still don't want to let go of those memories, I'll let them warm me from inside and tear me apart at the same time.

Life... was too short to live with you and is too long to live without you .

I rocked a baby to sleep in the cradle of my arms And in those moments... I found the worth of this life and A beautiful peace.

The wrecks of my heart are mine and mine alone. Don't try to mend them, it's through those ruins That this life has sustained...

Love brought me closer to life, then life took me away from love.

I saw him smoking a puff in. He was standing alone at a corner in the party. And then a cloud of smoke flew out of his mouth. Circles dissipated in air. I walked up to him and said, 'I didn't know you smoked.' He was somewhat taken aback by the breach in his solitary. He extinguished the fag under his foot. 'Killing time,' he said. 'Or killing self,' I asked. He strode without answering, hands in pocket and a dropped head. I've witnessed him brooding in loneliness. But with people around, he is all smiles. When love is less, pain is more.

There is a darkness that surrounds me. A deceptive darkness. My dark side. This darkness consumes all like the black hole. How could I've let you in, the Light When I could not get out of my own dark side.

I held that cup tight and cautiously, as if it's not the cup But our relation that I was holding on to. You were engrossed in sorting the clothes. 'Hey, coffee for you.' You smiled, I smiled. 'It's good,' you said. 'I think I know your tastes better now.' I pronounced with some self adulation. You look at me with amazement and obliviousness at the same time. I knew in that very moment that our love is still incomplete. I still cannot say you're the one because in you I see   a split   The you that I know and the you that I don't know.

He looks at me with a smile and I smile back. He kisses my head and says you've the most beautiful smile. I smile a little wider and then curb it guiltily. I've heard this before, I've believed this before. He wants me to be happy and I'm happy with him. But you know that... There is no eye that sees me the way you did Neither a heart that feels my heart like you did. May be I'm no more the me in love. I've transformed with time but that feeling hasn't.

My heart raced a million miles in those few seconds It's been years since that unceremonious goodbye And there you were looking as beautiful as ever. The dinner. The goodbye. I stayed there for a moment, I let the grief shroud my soul, I let the cloud burst occur in my eyes. Shattered I returned to that place which took you away from me Only to realize that I've been robbed of my memories The one I needed to console my heart Just sneaked into my diaries and Tore all my musings, my conversations with you. I was not entitled to love and now I'm not entitled to express my pain either. I rest in dark sadness tonight and Hope that the dreamer meets his dream.

She was silently staring at the horizon, in a trance, wistfully thinking. I placed the coffee in front of her and asked, 'what are you thinking?' She stared at me and I noticed her vacant eyes. 'Nothing', she said. 'Sometimes it's not the life that we live But the life that we can't which Is the reason of our heart's despair.'